After returning to St. Petersburg, I temporarily settled in the apartment of my sister Anna Markovna. I was looking forward to meeting my fellow revolutionaries, eager to share my impressions, express my doubts about lavrism, my aspirations for more active work on the basis of the struggle against autocracy and bureaucracy, and tell about everything I had observed during my stay in Romania... Here I must make a small digression from my story and introduce the reader to my connections in the revolutionary world before my trip to Romania. I deeply sympathized with the educational work among the peasants and propaganda among the workers. I was deeply impressed by Pyotr Alexeyev1 during the 50-year-old trial and the peasant who proudly defended the interests of workers at the Zaslavsky 2 trial . I was present at these two trials, and the faces of these extraordinary sons of the people never left my mind. I decided to devote all my energy and, if necessary, my life to the Workers ' movement. On this basis, I became close friends with some members of the Zemly I Volya organization, and, to my happiness, with the best of the organization's forces. Above, I talked about the strong influence on Russian youth, and on me in particular, had the political processes: 193, 50, Zaslavsky. Under the influence of the heroes of these trials, their actions and speeches, many of us had the idea to give up medicine and go to the people, to the working environment with the words of truth, to educate them, to engage in propaganda among them about political freedom and socialism. There were days when I was in a state of great excitement, when an inner voice told me that I was committing a crime by my indecision, that I should give up the idea of finishing higher education, thoughts about my family, about the suffering they were causing. You need to drop everything, like Sofya Bardina 3, the Lyubatovich sisters 4, and plunge into activities among the people. After a series of agonizing days ... Читать далее